


crush crush crush

by knifechurch



Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Craig's Gang, Craig-centric, Crushes, Dependency Issues, Love at First Sight, M/M, Moving On, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Self-Harm, Teen Angst, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Unrequited Love, but not like....for freaky reasons, clyde is kind of an asshole in this?, craig was born without braincells and i hate him. here's 7000 words about it, disclaimer: i dont hate clyde actually, this isnt a cryde fic if you came for cryde youre about to have a bad time, tweek is a new kid who didnt live in south park until now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-02-10 03:48:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21464953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knifechurch/pseuds/knifechurch
Summary: “Are you dating Clyde?” Tweek asked suddenly. It felt like a punch in the gut.Was he dating Clyde?Probably not.In which Craig is in love with Clyde, and a blonde boy arrives in South Park.
Relationships: Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak, One-Sided Craig Tucker/Clyde Donovan
Comments: 21
Kudos: 153





	crush crush crush

The first time Clyde kissed Craig was sixth grade.

The two of them were sitting on the stoop, and their dads were late to picking them up. Clyde was talking about joining the football team, and Craig was drawing stars in the dirt with a stick. It hadn’t started snowing yet.

“I think I’m gay,” Craig said suddenly, surprising even himself. 

“H-wh-huh?”

“I think I’m gay.”

Clyde blinked at him, eyes all wide, and leaned a touch closer. “How do you know?”

“I don’t. I just think, you know, maybe. I’ve never really liked a girl. I guess.”

“Have you liked a boy?”

“I think. That Thomas kid made me feel...weird.”

“Do you like me?” 

Craig raised his eyebrows. “Not everything’s about you, bro.”

“Oh.”

Craig kept his eyes focused on the dirt at his feet, until he felt a hand on his cheek, and his face was turned. Before he could say anything, Clyde’s lips were against his.

It was quick. A chaste, child’s kiss, Clyde pressing against him too hard and Craig’s eyes open. Clyde pulled away before he could even realize what was happening.

“I think I hear my dad. Gotta go.”

As he got up and sprinted away, Craig let his fingers graze over his own bottom lip, stunned.

That was how it started. That’s when everything became about Clyde.

  
  
  
  
  


Token always starts it.

“You can’t keep doing this to yourself, man.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Craig sighed, closing his locker and leaning against it. 

Token frowned deeply at him, like a disapproving parent. He had his arms crossed, Craig’s chullo clutched in one hand. 

“Clyde told me to bring you this. You went over there.  _ Again.” _

“Okay, and? I’m friends with him. Friends hang out. Its actually a really common practice, Token. You should try it sometime.”

The other teen glared at him. “You and I both know this isn’t healthy. You have to stop indulging him, asswipe.”

“Indulging him in what? Do you even hear yourself? We were just hanging out. Fuck, dude.”

“Craig. I’m worried about you.”

“You don’t have  _ any  _ reason to be worried! Good christ.” Craig grabbed his hat back, shoving it on his head hard enough to mess up the part in his hair.

“Craig.”

“ _ Token.” _

“We both know Clyde. This isn’t gonna...work out how you want it to.”

“Who says everything isn’t exactly how I want it?!”

“Because you’re going to his house every night to….!” Token did a weird gesture, his cheeks darkening ever so slightly. Craig furrowed his brow, then blinked.

“Oh my god,” He scoffed. “Is that really what you think we’re doing?”

“What else would you be doing?!”

“Chilling! Getting high! Playing video games! Not whatever  _ you’ve  _ thought up!” Craig tugged his sleeves down over his hands. “I’m going to class. Fuck you.”

“Craig…”

  
  
  


The second time Clyde kissed Craig was in ninth grade.

He called Craig at 11:00 pm, and Craig picked up because it was Clyde, and he came over because it was Clyde.

Clyde was sobbing and shaking, rambling about his mother and Token and the football team and Craig and killing himself.

His wrists were a warzone. Craig had never seen anything like it. He knew about cutting, sure, but he never thought anybody he knew would do it - especially not  _ Clyde.  _ He coerced the blade from his friend’s hand, and allowed him to bury his face in his chest. His hands felt huge, and he got Craig’s shoulder wet with his tears. 

When he finally lifted his face, he crashed his lips against Craig’s, just like on the stoop all those years ago. Except now, he was forceful, hungry, clumsy with his movements. 

Craig was openly gay by now; one of the few kids who was. And he knew he hadn’t stopped thinking about that first kiss since, so he couldn’t help but feel relief. Clyde felt the same. It would be alright.

Except Clyde didn’t feel the same, at all. Except afterwards, Clyde just pulled away and refused to meet Craig’s eyes. 

“Nobody can know, you know that, right?” He sniffled. “Between us, you know?”

And in a moment of weakness, Craig swallowed his pride.

“Between us.”

  
  
  
  


This happened every week. Usually twice.

Clyde got high and invited Craig over. Craig cleaned up his arms because he had a steadier hand. They made out, and every time, it ended with Clyde sobbing and Craig rubbing his back, practically crushed under him on his bed until he cried himself to sleep. 

The only thing that changed was Craig cleaning up his own arms. 

He knew, deep down, Clyde was wrong. This wasn’t helping either of them. But he also knew that if his wrists were scarred in the same way, Clyde would hold them in rough hands and his heart would skip a beat, and if he scarred them himself, it was  _ something, _ feeling  _ something.  _

He knew, deep down, he couldn’t stop.

Because it made him feel less empty. Because it was something in common with Clyde.  _ Clyde, Clyde, Clyde.  _ Everything went back to Clyde, in the end. 

Because Craig was in love with him, and it sucked.

The night before, they had laid in Clyde’s floor, their jackets and Craig’s hat strewn about the room. Craig had managed to get Clyde’s fingers close enough to his that he could play with them, admiring the contrast of their skin tones.

“Do you think we could ever like...go out,” He ventured. “On a date or something.”

“No,” Clyde chuckled, drawing his hand away from Craig’s. “Absolutely not, bro. There’s no way.”

“Why not?” Craig didn’t typically press the issue, but he wasn’t stoned enough to not care about it.

“Because I’m not gay, dude.”

“Well, you’re bi, or something.”

“No. I’m  _ not. _ What’s up with you tonight?” Clyde leaned over him, concern in his  _ beautifulstunningbreathtakingamazing _ brown eyes. “Thought we were chill.”

Craig sucked in a breath and shrugged. “Just...tossing ideas out. We’re chill.”

“Then stop talking about weird shit.”

“Just kiss me.”  _ Please.  _

And so Clyde did. Craig practically melted into the carpet, his hand on the back of his friend’s neck, chasing his mouth every time he pulled away to breathe. He was desperate, and he knew it, but he couldn’t focus on anything besides Clyde right now. Nothing in the world mattered, besides his lips, besides his hands, besides how big and strong and warm he was. 

“Did I ever tell you you’re beautiful?” Clyde mumbled against his lips, and Craig thought he might start crying. (If he was capable of crying. Which he was not.)

Nothing mattered, because Clyde thought he was beautiful.

  
  
  
  


That morning, Clyde drove him to school. He even held his hand on the center console until they got close enough to the parking lot. Craig listened absently to Clyde babbling on about a video game, occupying himself by playing with his lip piercing. 

He pulled around the back. “I’ll see you at lunch.”

“Why can’t you park first?” Craig pulled his backpack over his shoulder, keeping his tone even. 

“You know the rules, dude.” 

Craig wiped his palms on his jeans. “We’re friends, Clyde. We can walk into school together.”

Clyde seemed to consider it, briefly, but shook his head. “Can’t risk it. You know how it is, broseph.”

Because he’s gay, and he spent the night. Clyde can’t risk it because if Clyde risks it, he might be found out, and god forbid he like a guy. Doesn’t matter if it was totally innocent.

(It wasn’t.)

“Just don’t make it complicated, alright?” 

Craig looked at him, and was met with a shrug and a warm smile. He wanted nothing more than for Clyde to lean over and kiss him like he had last night, hands in his hair, like they were the only two people in the world.

_ Did I ever tell you you’re beautiful? _

But instead, Clyde reached over him, unlocked the door, and gestured for Craig to get out. Still with that warm, I’m-a-harmless-teddy-bear-jock grin.

He entered through the band room, refusing to look at anyone. 

  
  
  


“W-Who’s that?”

“New kid. Moved down from North Park this weekend.”

Craig picked absently at his lunch, barely paying attention to Jimmy and Token talking over his head. 

“Why’s he twitching like that?” 

He perked ever so slightly at Clyde’s voice, looking at him out of the corner of his eye. He slid himself closer to the brunette, and Clyde smiled at him. Craig’s heart did a backflip. 

“Don’t be rude, Clyde.”

“He has a point, dude.”

“No, he’s an asshole.”

“H-holy shit, what’s up with his arms?”

Craig sighed and sits up. “Will you guys shut-”

And he, himself, shut up.

Across the cafeteria, trying to work the vending machine, was a short blonde boy. His hands were shaking as he punched in the digits of whatever it was he wanted, his entire body twitching every now again. His hair looked like it has a mind of its own, all wild angles and loose strands.

But that is not what drew Craig’s attention. 

The boy was wearing a green button-up shirt, haphazardly buttoned, sleeves rolled up to the elbows. On his visible wrist was a mess of thick, dark, red lines, varying in length and shade, overlapping onto each other. Through his jeans, Craig traced the ladder of his own scars on his thigh thoughtfully.

“Yeah, Token, who is he?”

He could practically hear raised eyebrows in Token’s voice. “Dunno. Maybe you should talk to him.”

“Maybe I should.”

  
  
  
  


That night, Craig couldn’t really focus on Clyde, which was new.

Craig couldn’t think about anything except for the blonde in the cafeteria; his tense expression, his frail hands, how big his eyes were. It was like this random kid had taken over his entire brain.

“You there, dude?” Clyde breathed against his ear, bringing Craig back down to earth. He turned his focus back to him, and his mouth on his ear, _ and his hands... _

“Yeah, why?”

“You just went quiet.” 

“I’m always quiet.”

“Yeah, but you make faces.” He flashed that goofy smile. Craig made a conscious effort to keep his own lips in their straight line where they belonged. 

“No I don’t.”

“You do!”

“Shut up or get off of me.”

Clyde laughed, a sound that made Craig’s heart swell involuntarily. A sound that made him antsy. A sound that made him sad. 

“What do you think of the new kid?” He asked quickly. If he kept Clyde talking, that was better for him.  _ He loved hearing Clyde.  _

“Tweek?”

“Huh?”

Clyde propped himself up to look at Craig. He kept his eyes trained on the muscles in his forearm. “His name’s Tweek. He was in my algebra class, and _our _chemistry class.”

“You’re not shitting me?”

“No, that’s actually his name. On the roll and everything. I don’t think you were paying attention.”

Craig laughed a little. Tweek. What a ridiculous name. Kind of cute. Very cute. Tweek.

“Earth to Craigory.” Clyde tapped his fingers along Craig’s ribcage, sending intoxicating little shocks up his spine.  _ Clyde could snap him in half. He’d be cool with it. _

“What do you want?”

Clyde kissed him again. Hard, clashing teeth, like he was starving for it. For Craig.

Oh, yes, of course that was what he wanted.

_ It felt so, so nice to be wanted by Clyde. _

  
  
  


“You should talk to Tweek.”

“And why?”

Token was pointedly ignoring the assignment in front of them, a very non-Token thing to do, grinning at Craig in a way he only did when he had some sort of plan.

“Because you won’t stop staring at him.”

Craig felt his face heat up, furiously mixing whatever the teacher sat in front of him. “Fuck you.”

“You. Have. A. Crush.”

“I do not.”

Token opened his mouth to say something else, but was distracted by their teacher asking him a question. While he was busy, Craig’s gaze shifted to Clyde’s table.

He was flirting with his own lab partner, Bebe, who was clearly disinterested and mildly repulsed.  _ He had looked at him like that last night. _ Craig’s stomach turned, and without his own permission, he found himself looking at Tweek instead.

Tweek was partnered up with Kenny, who he had been hanging out with a lot lately. Kenny was talking and the shorter boy was gazing at him with a rapt expression. His eyes were really green. On the other side of them, Kyle was clearly doing all the work, surprisingly content with that. Hardass.

But he was holding Kenny’s hand on the table, which Craig zero’d in on. Kyle and Kenny. Kenny and Kyle? Maybe it was just a friend thing, he thought, until Kenny picked up Kyle’s hand and kissed it, barely breaking stride as he talked. Craig could see the tips of Kyle’s ears tinge red.

“What’s up with that?” Craig nudged their third lab partner, nodding at the two lovebirds.

Wendy glanced up from her paper. “What’s up with what?”

“Them.”

“They’re doing their project, unlike you.”

“You know what I mean.”

“They’re dating, obviously. For almost two months.”

“Since when?”

“Two months. Like I said.”

Craig tried to let it process. “Kyle’s gay?”

“Well, no, he’s...I don’t know, I didn’t ask.”

“Is Kenny?”

“He’s wearing a pan pride bracelet right now. Why? Are you starting an LGBT club? Bebe and I could join.”

“What about you and Bebe?”

“Holy shit.” Wendy and Token laughed in unison.

“Dude,” Token continued, taking the beaker from Craig’s hands. “You got it  _ bad.” _

  
  
  


He didn’t go to Clyde’s that night, because apparently, Clyde was busy.

**CRAIG: ** hey, are we hanging out tonight?

**CLYDE: ** no, sorry,,,i managed to get a date with a girl from my history class. score!

Craig resisted the urge to projectile vomit on his phone. Instead, he typed back,

**CRAIG: ** cool

He dropped his phone into the floor next to his bed. He really didn’t want to hear Clyde talk about boobs right now, or ever. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to hear anymore.

_ I love you. I feel the same way, Craig. You’re not disgusting, I am not disgusted by you. I love you so much, Craig. _

All were good options.

Craig threw his hand over his eyes and tried really hard to think about anything but Clyde. Clyde’s goofy laugh. Clyde’s exuberant energy. Clyde, kissing a girl who very much was not him. Clyde, calling a girl beautiful. Clyde, pretending what they had didn’t exist.

It just made him think of him more.

What they had. What did they have? They had...something. They had late nights together, entwined hands when the other was falling apart, frantic stolen kisses in fear of getting caught. They had something, Craig was sure of it.

They had to have something.

If he didn’t have Clyde, he might die.

Craig sat up and opened his bedside table drawer, reaching his arm all the way in the back until he felt a small box.

He pulled out the box and sat it on the bed beside him, opening it gingerly. Inside sits a supply kit; bandages, disinfectant, and a small plastic bag containing beautifully sharpened razor blades.

What he and Clyde had.

Every bit of it is cathartic. The initial cut, the blood trickling down his arm, the burning of chemicals, the bandage tightly pressed against the wound. If he can thank Clyde for one thing, it’s this. 

_ He can thank Clyde for everything. For the air he breathes, for the sun in the sky, moon stars grass sea. Clyde Clyde Clyde. _

At the slice of skin, Craig feels so much lighter, instantly. Like he’s emptying himself. A bloody detox, that’s what it is. A few more and he’s walking on air.

_ “It’s creepy that you smile like that,”  _ Clyde had said, the first time they had done it together.

_ “It’s creepy that we do this,” _ Craig had replied, watching in sick fascination as he bled. He wanted Clyde to kiss it better.

_ Bzzz. _

Craig’s hands froze. He’d personalized Clyde’s text vibration, so that was somebody else. He quickly slapped on a bandage,rolled up his sleeve, and lifted his phone.

  
  


**KENNY: ** whats this abt an lgbt club

Oh. Kenny.

**CRAIG: ** there isnt one

**KENNY: ** then why were u starin at me n ky lmao...wends said you were Very curious in my sexuality

Goddammit, Wendy.

**CRAIG: ** i just didnt know you and kyle were a thing

**KENNY: ** JDJSJSJJD???

**KENNY: ** are you fuckin w me

**CRAIG: ** no

**KENNY: ** wowwww

**KENNY: ** wack….

Craig rolled his eyes, and was suddenly struck with a thought.

**CRAIG: ** you hang out with tweek, right?

**KENNY: ** ya! hes great 

**CRAIG: ** whats up w him

**KENNY: ** wym

**CRAIG: ** like is he. into dudes

**KENNY: ** .

**KENNY: ** ok first of all

**KENNY: ** how did you expect me to gather that from “whats up w him”

**KENNY: ** second of all

**KENNY: ** token was right

**CRAIG: ** whats that supposed to mean

**KENNY: ** ur a messy gay bitch thats what that means

Craig scoffed. Token had no idea what he was talking about. He was just...curious, that’s all.

_ He didn’t need this new kid. He had Clyde. _

**CRAIG: ** while i am gay n a bitch, messy has nothing to do w it

**CRAIG: ** im just curious. thats all.

**KENNY: ** ok sure whatever you say

**KENNY: ** i dont know. maybe? he’s an ally thats for sure

**KENNY: ** why dont you just talk to him

**CRAIG: ** he already hangs out w you dickheads

**KENNY: ** youre still on this shit dude

**KENNY: ** get over the cliques

**KENNY: ** tweeks a cool dude. talk to him

**KENNY: ** ask him to lunch or smth

**CRAIG: ** whatever

  
  
  
  


The next day, Craig’s standing in front of the exit from the lunch line to the cafeteria, waiting for Tweek.

This is a bad idea. He knows it. He hasn’t spoken a goddamn word to this kid, and here he is creepily waiting for him. He doesn’t know why he’s listening to Kenny and Token - he doesn’t have a crush.

_ He has Clyde, after all. Whatever Clyde is. _

As he’s busy thinking of Clyde, somebody speedwalks right into him.

“ _ AGH!  _ WHAT THE FUCK?!”

Craig steadied himself, instinctively reaching out to catch his lunch, but instead catching a person; Tweek struggled against his outstretched arm.

“Watch where you’re going, man! Gah!” He glared at Craig. Shit. His eyes are very pretty.

Craig opened his mouth to answer rudely, but was surprised by how quickly he calmed himself down. He let Tweek go.

“Uh, sorry, I was...waiting for you.”

“Why?”

“I just...wanted to meet you, I guess.” Fuck, what was he saying, fuck. “I’m Craig.”

The blonde looked over him, clearly suspicious. “....I’m Tweek. Kenny told me about you.”

“Oh.” What the fuck did he say?

“Why did you wanna meet me, ngh?”

Why did Craig want to meet him?

Because he had pretty eyes. Because he had arms like Craig’s. Because he was chewing on his lower lip right now. Because he had soft-looking hair.

Normal stuff like that.

“....You looked interesting.”

“I  _ looked interesting?  _ What does that mean?!”

“I dunno. Sorry. Wanna eat lunch with me?”

Tweek gives him another once-over. “Fine, Kenny’s absent anyways.”

When he gets Tweek over to the lunch table, he gestures for him to sit next to him, and the other boys pause in what they’re doing to turn their gazes on him.

“H-hi,” He seemed to twitch more aggressively under the attention. “Craig told me I could sit here.”

“Oh. Hey.” A slow grin appeared on Token’s face. “Yeah, we’ve been meaning to talk to you - we don’t get a lot of new kids, and we were kinda curious.”

That’s a much more normal way to put it, goddammit.

“Esp-specially Craig,” Jimmy snickered, earning him a glare.

“Oh, well,” Tweek nodded. “My name’s Tweek - agh - and it’s nice to meet you, I guess?”

“Name’s Clyde,” Clyde practically shoved Token aside to thrust his hand in front of Tweek, who reluctantly shook it. “You’ve met Craig - the second coolest guy at this table is Jimmy-”

“Heyo!” 

“And our mutual brain cell is Token.”

“Token?” Tweek spluttered, then actually covered his mouth. 

“Hey, your name is  _ Tweek _ .”

“Okay, that’s fair,” He smiled, and Craig felt something he couldn’t identify burst in his chest. He had barely registered Clyde over his focus on...just, hearing Tweek. And whatever he had to say.

“So, Tweek, what b-b-br...why are you in South Park?” Jimmy tilted his head at him. “Kind of a shithole.”

Tweek snorted. “Wasn’t really a choice, gh. My parents….” He trailed off. “I had to move in with my aunt. Uh, you might know her...the Stevens…”

“You live with  _ Bebe?!”  _ Clyde jostled the table again. “Holy shit. She is so hot. You have to tell me all about it.”

Tweek audibly gagged. “Gah! Did you miss the part where she’s my cousin?! Gross, man!”

Craig snickered. He liked this kid. He was funny.

Craig decided he wanted to know everything he could know about Tweek Stevens.

“Oh. Yeah.” Clyde sat back down, and Token smacked the back of his head.

“Sorry about Clyde, he was born without a brain. Tragic, really.”

“Token!”

“You can’t yell at me, you just called his cousin hot to his face!”

Craig rolled his eyes, trying to keep his face neutral. He turned his attention completely to Clyde for maybe the first time since sitting down with Tweek, which was...something. Clyde had his sleeves rolled up, and Craig waited for his heartbeat to stutter.

Why didn’t it?

Tweek began to make a sound like he was choking and squeaking simultaneously, which Craig quickly realized was his laugh. It was somewhat of a bray, sudden and harsh, but fit Tweek perfectly. On any other person, it’d be annoying, but from him, Craig found it…..

Attractive.

Craig realized he was in  _ deep.  _

“Besides, agh!” Tweek tried to quiet his laughter. “I’m not even into girls!”

Oh,  _ fuck.  _

  
  
  
  


After Spanish, Bebe came bounding up to Craig’s locker, her wedge heels clacking on the linoleum.

“I hear you’ve got the hots for my cousin.”

That was not what Craig was expecting. He blinked at her, feeling his cheeks heat up. “What?”

“Don’t deny it, I already know.” She shrugged, popping her gum like a stereotypical stuck-up, but he knew Bebe was anything but stereotypical. “I’m just glad you’re moving on from Clyde.”

Craig stiffened like he always did at Clyde’s name. “What?” He repeated.

“I’m happy for you, dude. Clyde’s...he’s sweet, but he doesn’t know what he wants, you know? It makes me sick, watching how he...treats you.”

“What?”

Bebe patted his shoulder. “It’s whatever - see ya, Craigory. Tell me if you need any tips on romancing Tweek.” And like that, she was gone.

“....What?” Craig whispered to himself, one last time.

Before he could even continue getting his books, somebody grabbed his arm from behind. Reflexively, he elbowed his attacker.

“Fuck!” Clyde shouted. “Dude, it’s just me!”

Craig turned to him, wondering when his stomach turned to jelly. The fluke in the lunchroom was gone - Clyde was the center of the universe again. “Don’t grab me if you don’t expect me to fight back.”

“Why aren’t you answering my texts?”

Was he not answering Clyde’s texts?

“I needed you last night, bro.”

And when Clyde says that, something strange happens; Craig’s emotions go in wildly different directions. Firstly, he feels bad. He doesn’t show it, because he’s sort of built up his reputation  _ not  _ showing anything. But he feels bad, because he wasn’t there to help Clyde. He knows what helping means. Making out, maybe even Clyde calling him beautiful, Clyde crying into his shoulder, probably cutting. He knew what Clyde needed him for, what Clyde always needed him for. What Craig would provide, day after day, until he died.

And that made a small part of him angry.

Craig was angry a lot. Jimmy said he was just naturally pissed off. Maybe that was true, at least in elementary school, when Stan and his silly little group would pull some bullshit that ruined everyone’s week. Back then, it was routine to be angry; it faded in middle school, when Stan and those guys became StanKyleKenny, where Kenny was cool if the other two were annoying as hell. Usually, now, he felt nothing.

He felt empty.

Empty, until Clyde looked at him, until Clyde touched him, and hotwired him back into existence, for him and him alone.

But now, finally, he felt angry.

“Clyde, what did you need me for?”

“What do you mean?”

“What did you need me for.”

“....You know, dude. Use your imagination.” Clyde blushed, scratching the back of his neck.

Craig slammed his locker shut. “Do you like me, Clyde?”

“What?”

“Do you. Like me. Are you into me. Like-like. Do you have a crush on me.”

Clyde looked stunned. “I...No. No, I don’t.”

“Then why do you kiss me?”

“Dude, stop making it weird.”

“You’re making it weird. By kissing me. And calling me pretty.” He doesn’t even mean it.

“What’s up with you?”

Craig considered pressing the issue. Screaming at Clyde. He also considered bursting into tears, but Craig Tucker doesn’t fucking cry.

Craig Tucker doesn’t cry. Craig Tucker is strong, pissed, independent.

…..Clyde’s.

“I don’t know. I’ll be there. Tonight.”

A hand touched his waist, and suddenly he was electric, static-shock climbing up from where Clyde’s hand was touching him. It’s gone in an instant.

“Cool. Knew I could count on you.”

Clyde left him in the hall. Craig waited for the sparks to die down.

  
  
  
  


That night, he’s laying in Clyde’s bed with him. He’s the little spoon, Clyde’s the big spoon, but he suddenly can’t focus on Clyde’s chest against his back as much as usual.

He felt empty. He felt ugly. He felt…dirty.

He’s not sure why. All they ever do is kiss. He’s not sure Clyde could go any further, and Craig’s pretty sure he’s not even ready for it. They don’t need that on their plates. He’s content to just kiss him. 

Well, he isn’t, really.

But the things he wants aren’t exactly risqué.

His phone buzzed.

  
  


**KENNY: ** dont freak out. gave tweeks your number

**CRAIG: ** why?

**KENNY: ** he wanted it but didn’t know how to ask you. really stressed himself out over it. very blushy. wink wink.

Craig laughed. He missed Kenny.

Just then, an unknown number texted him.

**UNKNOWN SENDER: ** this is probably really fucking weird but hi its tweek from school i didnt know how else to reach out so im sorry for kind of invading your privacy by asking kenny for your number and please dont be mad at me

Craig took it all in. Odd kid. He made a contact.

**CRAIG: ** ur fine lol. hi. why are you up at 11.

**TWEEK:** thats a perfectly normal time to be up. plus i have insomnia. its getting better i think but i dont know

**TWEEK: ** im rambling. sorry.

**CRAIG: ** ur fine! again!

**CRAIG: ** i wanted to talk to you too.

**TWEEK** : oh?

**CRAIG: ** yeah. i regret not talking to you sooner. you seem really cool. 

**TWEEK: ** !!! you seem cool too…..

**CRAIG: ** so why is it that you moved to south park?

**TWEEK: ** like i said; i couldn’t live at home anymore

**TWEEK: ** my aunt immediately offered to take me in, and so i moved here.

**TWEEK: ** the rest of it is kinda personal. id have to get to know you better

**CRAIG: ** so get to know me.

Was that flirting? Craig couldn’t tell. Did that read as an invitation to hang out more, or did it read as Craig being nosy? He  _ did  _ want to get to know him; Tweek Stevens was possibly the most fascinating kid he had ever met. Fuck, did he just ruin his chances? What chances did he want?

Did he have a crush?

**TWEEK: ** i’d love to take you up on that, craig. ;)

He definitely had a crush.

Fuck, what did that mean? He already had a crush. He had Clyde. More than a crush. Right? He couldn’t just pursue somebody else while he was laying in Clyde’s arms.  _ Clyde’s strong, comfortable arms. Holding him, trapping him, the cage where he would rot. _

Fuck.

He needed to get out of his own head.

**TWEEK: ** how long have you lived here?

**CRAIG: ** oh, all of us grew up here. we rarely even get new kids in town. like jimmy said, its kind of a shithole. the four of us have been friends since elementary school 

**TWEEK: ** oh, what? that’s so cool! you guys must be really close.

Clyde nuzzled into Craig’s back.  _ You have no idea. _

**CRAIG: ** yeah. when were little, we used to fight with stan and his friends all the time. have you met stan? 

**TWEEK: ** yeah, kenny introduced us. he and kyle are always around him after all

**CRAIG: ** i couldnt stand him. he was so obnoxious back then. he’s STILL obnoxious 

**CRAIG: ** not to mention they used to hang out with that cartman kid

**TWEEK: ** oh my god really

**CRAIG: ** really. he gave kenny a bff necklace. im 90% sure kenny threw it away.

**CRAIG: ** he usually started shit, but stan was always just...so fucking full of himself

**CRAIG: ** but i guess he’s coolish now. kenny’s an okay guy. i want to smack kyle still 

**TWEEK: ** yeah he can be...intense 

**CRAIG: ** funny way to spell annoying

**TWEEK: ** hejdjdjjdkdkd

Craig smiled at his phone. He really, really liked this. It was just small talk, sure, but something about it pleased him. He wanted to impress Tweek, with stories, with jokes, with anything.

He  _ really, really  _ liked Tweek.

Bzz.

**KENNY: ** psst. tweeks considering inviting you over but keeps chickening out. invite him to the park. do it.

**CRAIG: ** why should i?

**KENNY: ** [image file]

Disclosed in the file was a picture it looked like Kenny had snuck while Tweek wasn’t looking. The smaller blonde was sitting curled over his phone, cheeks a deep red. 

**CRAIG: ** okay.

He typed up a text to Tweek about four times before sending it.

**CRAIG: ** hey, would you wanna meet up or something? to keep talking

Text bubble. Nothing. Text bubble. Nothing. Text bubble. Nothing.

Fuck, he ruined it. Fucking Kenny. What did he know? It was the middle of the night. That was so fucking creepy of him. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

**TWEEK: ** yes!

Oh?

**TWEEK: ** if you really mean that, id love to.

**CRAIG: ** oh sick

**CRAIG: ** uh. do you know where the playground is. 

**TWEEK: ** not from memory, but i think i can figure it out. probably. hopefully.

**CRAIG: ** i’ll meet you there.

**TWEEK: ** only if you want to

**CRAIG: ** i want to

Craig turned off his phone and breathed in deeply through his nose. Here it was. The leap. 

He gently lifted Clyde’s arm from around his waist. He was huge in comparison, every part of him either lean muscle or chub - it made Craig feel tiny. He’d been tall as a kid, until sixth grade hit and suddenly he was looking up at Token and Clyde when he talked to them. (He and Jimmy stayed about the same height, though you could contribute that to the fact that Jimmy was never exactly standing up straight. Craig chose not to.) Clyde always dated tiny girls - itty bitty things with huge chests and stick thin waists. 

He sat up, waiting for Clyde’s breathing to steady again.

He loved Clyde. He did.  _ He lived for him. _

But maybe Token was right.

Craig couldn’t do this forever.

Trying something new couldn’t hurt. Maybe Tweek would just be a friend; a crush that faded in a few days. Craig wasn’t sure what the opposite might mean. He wasn’t sure why he wanted to know so bad. 

Craig kissed Clyde’s forehead, breathing in his evergreen shampoo.  _ Clyde Clyde Clyde. _

Tweek.

And he got up, and left.

  
  
  
  


Tweek was waiting on a swing. Craig saw him from behind, gently swaying to and fro, feet only just hitting the ground. His hands anxiously clenched and unclenched the chains.

“Hey!” Craig half-shouted, not wanting to sneak up on him.

Tweek shrieked, falling backwards. Craig threw his hands out, catching him by his shoulders. They met eyes, the top of Tweek’s head pressed up against his chest, and both laughed.

And again, Craig was electric.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“You’re cool, man! Ngh! I kind of zoned out.” He sat back up, gesturing to the other swing. “I’m glad you actually showed.”

Craig took the seat. “Of course I did.”

“This is kind of weird, gh. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. This whole town is weird. Brings out the crazy in people.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah. When we were little…”

“You talk about being little a lot.”

Craig’s cheeks heated up. “I’m not super interesting right now.”

Tweek giggled. “Oh, wow, you can blush.”

“Nah. I’m incapable of feeling.”

“You blushed harder when you said that.”

At that, they both laughed.

“Do you always cover your mouth when you laugh? Gh.” Tweek pointed at the hand over Craig’s mouth.

“Oh. I don’t know. I didn’t realize I was doing it, really.”

“I hate my laugh, too.”

“You shouldn’t,” Craig blurted out. “It’s cute.” Fuck.

Tweek’s cheeks glowed red. “Ack - you think so?”

“I like it.” Fuck, fuck, fuck, why was he still talking. 

“I like what I heard of yours.” He sounded almost timid.

They both fell silent, listening to the crickets chirping in the grass. Craig snuck a glance at Tweek, only to find him doing the same. They both looked away, then began to chuckle.

“Are you dating Clyde?” Tweek asked suddenly. It felt like a punch in the gut.

Was he dating Clyde?

Probably not. 

Clyde went through girlfriend after girlfriend, all while keeping his... _ nights  _ with Craig common. Craig couldn’t help but dislike these girls, and felt bad about it - it wasn’t their fault. If anything, it was Clyde’s, for cheating on them, and Craig, for letting it happen.

“I don’t think so.”

“You don’t  _ think _ so?”

And at that, words started tumbling out of Craig’s mouth. “We’ve been best friends, like, forever. And one day, years ago, he invited me over and we...made out, for a while. I thought he liked me. He said we had to keep it secret. So I did.” He tried to stop himself, but he just couldn’t. The story was bubbling at the back of his throat, clawing its way to fresh air. “And he just...kept dating girls, and we kept making out after school, almost every day. And I think I’m in love with him, but he told me he wasn’t in love with me, and I don’t know how I feel about it. I think I’m, like, his mistress. And I’m in love with him. And I think I like you, too, which freaks me the fuck out. And I’m done.”

Tweek stared at him like a deer in the headlights.

Fuck. Fuck, what had he done? Things were going so well. He had ruined  _ everything _ . What was he going to do now? Go back to Clyde, of course. Crawl back to his Clyde, on his hands and knees, begging for forgiveness, atten-

“I think I like you, too.”

Craig looked at him. Tweek was fiddling with his coat, smiling to himself.

“I know that’s, ngh, not what I should take away from this. You dropped some pretty heavy stuff on me there, man. And I’m really, really sorry.”

“It’s cool.”

“It’s not, though, gah! What you just told me is  _ fucked up. _ He shouldn’t do that to you! I don’t, gh, know you very well yet, but I know nobody deserves that. I  _ want  _ to know you, man. I think you’re wrong, ngh...You're very interesting right now.”

Tweek had turned their swings, his hand next to Craig’s head on the chain. Again, Craig was struck by his eyes; a captivating mix of green and blue and yellow, as striking as Tweek was himself.

“Can I kiss you?” He murmured.

Tweek blushed, yet again. “Not...yet. Ack, I’d really love that, Craig. But maybe we should try...a date? First?”

“Oh...yeah, that’s probably a good idea.”

“Yeah. Uh, it is.”

“If we’re admitting shit, I’ve never been on date.”

“Me either, ngh. But we might as well.”

They fell silent again. Craig leaned his head on Tweek’s hand. Static shock. Absolutely electrocuting when Tweek put said hand in his hair.

“Have you never  _ dated?  _ Like, at all?”

Craig chewed his bottom lip thoughtfully. “Not unless you count playground dates. There  _ was  _ this one guy.”

Tweek gently scratched the side of Craig’s head, lips quirking into smile.

“Do I have to tell you about him?”

“Not if you don’t want to!”

“....His name was Thomas. I met him in fourth grade, and was super into him. I asked to do his laundry.”

“What does  _ that  _ mean?!”

“Dunno. I’m a bad flirt.”

“‘You looked interesting,’” Tweek echoed, from that first day they spoke.

“Shut up.”

“Never.”

“We went to different schools, though, and I kinda figured I lost my chance. Then, in ninth grade, he started going to the high school with us. We talked a bit...I guess he was flirting. He asked me to homecoming.”

“What’d you say?”

“No,” Craig admitted. “It was right when...the stuff with Clyde started. I didn’t...want to miss my chance with him, too.” His stomach turned at the mention of Clyde. He  _ still  _ didn’t want to miss his chance. “He took it well, though. We don’t talk much.”

“I see.” Tweek nodded, glancing away.

“....Would you wanna go to homecoming?”

“I’m not sure. We’ll see.”

“After our date?”

Tweek smiled. “Sure, man. After our date.”

And they talked until they saw the sun begin to rise.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Clyde was waiting for him at his locker the next day.

  
  


“Bro,” He whined, and Craig opened his locker, frowning at him.

“What?”

“Where did you go?”

“Oh.” Craig grabbed his spanish textbook, holding it in the crook of his arm. “I uh...met up with Tweek last night.”   
  


“Tweek? Why?” Clyde sounded incredulous, and Craig felt his eyebrow twitch in annoyance.

“Because I asked him out.” He snapped.

“....You what?” 

“I asked him out.” As Craig said it, he felt a weight lifted off his shoulders. “Well, he asked me out. We’re going to the planetarium together.”

“I-But-”

“So uh. We can’t...do that anymore. The stuff we do.” Craig said it before he really thought about it. And he was shocked to discover he meant it. 

If he was gonna date Tweek, he was gonna do it right.

“I...what are you...Craig. Hey.” As he closed his locker, Clyde grabbed his wrist. Craig pulled it, but Clyde’s grip was like iron. “Listen, dude. What are you talking about?”

“I’m trying to date somebody and I don’t want to cheat on them. It’s not that hard to understand.” Craig scowled at him.

“It’s not- stop being a smartass, for once, will you?” Clyde groaned, squeezing Craig’s wrist harder in his vice grip. “Craig-o. C’mon. I’m your best friend, right? I get you. Are you sure you’re thinking straight?”

“Let go of me, Clyde.”

“I’m trying to talk to you.” Clyde pulled him closer. No electricity. Craig tried to tug his wrist back, but Clyde held him there. It was starting to hurt. “You never want to talk to me. And now you’re, what? Just dating any guy who shows up? Kinda...slutty, you know?”

“I’m sorry, what?!” Craig felt his face heat up. “I- what - fuck you! Dating a guy is not slutty, shit for brains! What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“I’m just saying how it looks, dude.” He kept squeezing.

“LET GO OF ME.”

“Craig, I’m just-”

“What are you doing?”

Clyde let go of Craig with a start, and he pulled back his wrist and cradled it with one hand. When he turned, Token and Jimmy were there behind them. Jimmy was the one who called out, and Token glanced from Clyde’s hand to Craig’s arm, held tight against his chest. 

“Hey, guys!” Clyde beamed, perfect jock who could never hurt a damn fly.

“Craig, are you okay?” Token asked, turning his attention to him. Craig looked down at his wrist. It was probably going to bruise.

He didn’t know Clyde was capable of that.

“I’m fine,” He stood up straight, not looking at Clyde. “It’s fine.”

Token narrowed his eyes, and opened his mouth. But before he could speak, somebody else called Craig’s name.

He looked over Token’s shoulder to see Tweek waving at him, beaming. It made his heartbeat stutter.

“Uh, I’ll see you guys later,” He mumbled, nudging past Token to walk over to Tweek in a super chill and calm way, not speedwalking at all.

“Hey, man. Is something going on,ngh?” Tweek gestured behind Craig. Token was clearly interrogating Clyde, who looked away from him, annoyed.

“Clyde’s just being a dick. No big deal.”

“Oh, when isn’t he, gah!” Tweek delivered flatly, despite the tic at the end. Then he faltered. “I shouldn’t say that. I don’t even know him.”

“No, no. It’s cool. He’s a dick. But he’s my dick, you know?”

Tweek blinked at him.

Craig blinked back. 

Then realized what he had just said.

“Oh. Oh my Godddd.” 

Tweek burst into that startled squeaky laugh of his, and Craig shushed him furiously.

“You know that’s not what I meant, dick!”

“Ohhh, be careful with that word!” Tweek gasped out between laughs, tears springing to his pretty eyes.

Craig couldn’t help but smile, covering it with his hand. He had almost forgotten how sore his wrist was.

“Seriously, though,” He said, resisting the urge to wipe at Tweek’s eyes. “He’s my best friend. He’s just...going through it. I guess. Besides, why’s it matter? We have better things to do.”

Tweek beamed at him. “Right! Ack! I’m so excited for tonight.”

He reached down and locked his pinkie in Craig’s, and Craig smiled at him without even covering it up. 

“You should get to class. We can meet up after the bell.” Craig swung their arms. He vaguely registered people walking by, seeing them flirt, knowing they were together.

It was exhilarating. 

“Yeah, you’re right. See you later, man. Good luck with your dick.”

Craig barked out a startled laugh, and Tweek pulled his hand away, but brushed his hand against Craig’s arm as he walked by. Craig couldn’t stop smiling, fixing his bag on his shoulder and starting in the direction of Spanish.

“Wait, Craig!”

He turned, and saw Tweek at the end of the hall, waving to him.

Tweek blew him a kiss.

Craig made a motion like he was catching it.

He felt warm for the rest of the day.

  
  
  
  


The first time he kissed Tweek was two weeks after that, on Tweek’s doorstep. 

Tweek didn’t kiss anything like Clyde did - Craig could feel him smiling, and his lips were softer, and he even nipped Craig’s bottom lip before Bebe opened the door and started howling. Craig flipped her off.

The next day, after Bebe told everyone, Craig could feel Clyde glaring daggers at him.

“He’ll get over it,” He muttered to Token, shrugging.

And when Tweek started towards their lunch table, sunshine in his eyes, Craig knew he would get over it, too.

**Author's Note:**

> beta read by my very good friends mickie and kailan. ily both
> 
> thank u for reading!
> 
> you can contact me at knifechvrch on tumblr.


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